LA Moms Blog

Large and In Charge

It came as a teeny surprise (and when I say 'teeny' what I really mean is teeny in size but massive in scope) to find out I was pregnant with our second baby when the first was just learning to stand. My husband, being the athlete that he is, took it with the “game on!” attitude he always adopts when faced with an exciting but insanely surprising challenge. He did the same thing when I went into labor. Suddenly he was sprinting around the house prepping for what we thought might be a home birth, with the requisite trip to Home Depot (it’s true).

But this time around, as happy and grateful as we are to be pregnant and building our family, the wifey (that’s me) has had some strange leanings that I share merely in hopes that I’m not alone. If any of these speak to you, can you please comment? I need to know I’m not alone in the rabbit hole.

Bye, Bye, Baby(sitter)

Something happened recently that I like to brag about to my friends with young children. I like to tell them the story, and then watch as their eyes glaze over and they start drooling and then some of them start crying with envy. Some of them get angry but then I point out how jealously doesn't become them and then they put down the knife.

The story I tell them is this: My husband and I left our girls, ages 11 and 13, at home and then we went to dinner. And a movie. Without having to find a babysitter or beg our friends to watch them. That's right -- we've reached the fabled light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel, the sweet life, Oprah's aha moment -- whatever you want to call it, we've reached the time when our kids are actually able to watch themselves. You may not be jealous this second but wait until you see the commemorative plaque I'm getting engraved.

The Empty Space in the Room - and in My Heart

When my husband and I returned to our house that Saturday afternoon, the first thing we did was pack up the beds and the dishes. We weren't ready to get rid of them, but we also weren't ready to keep seeing them in their customary places, going unused. But seeing the places where they used to be is just as difficult, in a different way. It's still sinking in that after more than eleven years, two states, three cities, and four homes, I don't have a dog any more.

When I met Gypsy at an "adoption event" in Memphis in September of 1998, she was probably about 18 months old - I never knew for sure. but when she and I first saw each other that day, it was an immediate connection. She was very pretty and friendly, and I've always been sure that when she looked at me, she thought "There's a sucker! There's a sap!" She judged me correctly, I must say.

A Snack Means Never Having to Say You’re Sorry

A curious thing happened the other day. We had a play date at our house with a child who has been over several times. His mother packed him a snack and three juice boxes.

I thought this gesture meant one of two things: It was either, "My son is starving at your house and so are your children." or "My kid isn't a 60-year-old hippie. He doesn't want your homemade granola and probiotic cheese."

I try not to be a holier-than-thou foodie, but I'm thinking that's how I come off. Unless we're having a party, I don't buy juice boxes. It's so much waste and too much sugar (even if it's 100 percent juice. They eat plenty of fruit). And the snacks I give the kids are of the whole grain or homemade variety.

As Jennifer Steinhauer pointed out in a recent New York Times article, "Snack Time Never Ends," parents are feeding their kids snacks all the time and everywhere.

Who Am I to Judge?

Its bad enough to have your friends "Mommie judge" you when your kid is getting away with something because you're too tired of saying "no"...again. Or when she's climbing on all the furniture in your house and you don't seem phased. Oh, or when she plays "beep beep" in the driver seat of your car because its the only way she'll eventually agree to get into her own seat. Or you've given up on bringing every type of nutritional snack with you to the park and you're happy she at least ate some cheese flavored rice cakes.

But when Moms you don't even know pass judgement on you at the playground, at toddler group or the grocery store its almost too much to bear. I mean, we are all in this together. We're all overwhelmed and tired and not always at our best, right? And who knows what is taking place outside of that moment when you / me / the other Moms decided to pass judgement. Who are any of us to judge?

Trust me. I am hard enough on myself when I lose my temper, my child gets hurt, or forget to bring something important along. I don't need everyone else making me feel bad too. Like the time I turned my head for a split second and Vivi took a fall at the playground and the Dad next to me (on his cell phone I might add) guilted me into thinking I had to race her to the pediatricians' office because she "might have a concussion." (She was fine, no bump, not even crying and mad that we left the playground.) Or when she refused to sit in group for snack time but kept eating while standing at the table and no one, not the teacher nor I could get her to sit despite my best efforts (which included removing her from the table against her will). Or today when I lost my temper at my husband who asked me for help at the deli counter at the same time that my daughter was begging me for something to eat. Not my finest moment!! The faces on the Moms at Gelsons were priceless. Of course none of them knew that we were racing to get home for a nap and I thought hubby was asking me the same question for the 4th time.

Bullying: Teaching Kids To Be Self-Advocates

Growing up, I dealt with my fair share of "mean girls" but never had huge issues with bullying or teasing. So, I never gave the issue much thought with my children, until about two years ago.

My then 7-year-old son Jaden was being bullied – badly – by peers at his school. After getting over the lioness-protecting-her-family feelings of wanting to rip the kids doing this to him to shreds, my rational side took back over and I talked. To my son. To his teachers. To the principal. To the parents of the boys who were bullying Jaden. To everyone.

Despite all my talking, the taunting, threatening and tormenting continued…and actually got worse as the year progressed. As a result, Jaden’s enthusiasm for school and academic performance suffered. I felt helpless for him and felt that the “system” (read: his extremely large, crowded school), simply couldn’t keep track of what was happening to not only mine, but many kids.

Santa made me do it. Mama is back!

I’ve been known to have love affairs with inanimate objects.  First was the iPhone, and then the Elf- on-the-Shelf doll during the holidays. This holiday I’ve adopted a new gadget/game that allows me to honor my New Year’s Resolution.  To get my butt in shape!  After eight years of constantly putting off the task I think I’m ready. Santa made me. I’ll tell you way.

For years I’d proclaim, “Yea, I’ll work out.” Or “When the kids are older I’ll have more time.” But I’m in my early forties (can’t believe I disclosed that!) and time is running out. If I wait any longer my heart won’t have the muscle power to keep cardio activity sustained.  So I asked Santa for the Wii Fit Plus. And I got one.

Gym memberships are expensive, plus I’m addicted to my computer and would hate to go far from it!  So when Santa dropped off the Wii, I knew I had to keep my word.

I’ve only had the Wii for six weeks now and I must admit I’m finally getting in shape. I truly love the fact that I can work out in my own living room.  The Wii is much more entertaining than the Gym. The hula-hoop workout is a blast. However, I do look like a wet cat after my workouts. I’m so out of shape but feel committed to getting my money’s worth, oops, I mean Santa’s.  I’m also spending a lot more time with kids – although they know, “It’s Mama’s Wii.”

If you’d like a real laugh watch my mama Wii Fit video.

This is an original LA Moms Blog Post by The Go-To Mom, Kimberley.  When she’s not playing with her iPhone or chasing kids around the house, she is writing and shooting her show at www.TheGoToMom.TV

Are You Sitter-Worthy?

I'm sorry, friends, but the question must be asked. Just like Elaine on Seinfeld and her quest for the sponge-worthy suitor, I must question every weeknight invitation I receive and determine whether it merits shelling out the dough to pay a sitter. 

I just can't afford it, first of all. Did you know that for 2 kids the going rate is about $15/hour? So a night out with the gals could cost me $60- $75 bucks just to leave the house.

But more than that, it's a pain in the ass to get out on a school night. There's homework to be supervised and checked, dinner to be prepared -- with a picky eater to satisfy, asthma and allergy meds to administer on a daily basis, plus now my eldest has braces (well, expanders) that require some serious attention and more supervision. It's hard enough for me to do it all, much less to get a sitter to do it.

Let's end the mommy wars and focus on something grander

I am fed up with the mommy wars. Social media has made it so easy to attack one another because we aren't face to face. It is hard to attack someone in person, but easy to do in a blog, through Twitter, on Facebook or in a discussion board. We endlessly criticize one another. Every choice is wrong: breastfeeding v. formula feeding; working at home v. working outside the home; daycare v. nanny; homeschooling v. public v. private; organic v. conventional; etc.

Motherhood is fraught with uncertainty - who doesn't think she could have done something better? Who hasn't questioned her decisions and choices? But no reason exists to attack some other mother's choice or decision.  Each is a choice we make for our children, and each choice has its benefits and its costs.

I belong to several "mommy" discussion groups, and last week one of them had a huge debate over whether it was okay to put "no gifts" on a child's invitation. This mild inquiry as to whether it was okay to do this resulted in venom. Let me tell you. Moms who thought that it was completely improper since various etiquette mavens say that gifts should not be mentioned at all on invitations. Moms who thought that doing so would deprive the child. Moms who thought it was a good idea, especially when the excess is embarrassing. Moms who thought asking for donations for various charitable organizations (such as Haiti relief) in lieu of gifts was a great "teachable moment."

The Thought Box, revisited

I'd previously written here about my brilliant idea (stolen from SuperNanny) to create a thought box for my 9-year-old daughter to write down what she wanted to tell me when I couldn't give her my undivided attention. Many comments asked for an update.

You all knew, didn't you? You all knew that the chances of this actually being successful were slim at best.

It also reminded me that I always wonder what happens to the families post-SuperNanny. Do struggling couples really learn to communicate better? Do moms never again lose their cool when trying to implement the time-out techniques? Do they remember to stick to their routines and new reward systems?

I can't answer that. All I can tell you is the result of our own experiment with the thought box.

SV MOMS GROUP BLOGS FOR HAITI

Collectively, we have a powerful voice.  Our messages and stories of aid, sadness, fear, shock and even hope made its way through the internet and social media tools upon learning about the devastation in Haiti.  We want to help and let the Haitians know that they are not alone.  In both small and large ways, the blogging community is here, getting the word out and using our united voices and sites to share love, concern and messages of hope.

CLICK HERE TO SEE ARTICLES WRITTEN BY SV MOMS GROUP CONTRIBUTORS ABOUT HAITI ........

Panda-monium

This past holiday season was the first one where my kids opened presents. Before that they didn’t know  what a present was. After one day they were asking, "Presents, Mama, more presents?" I tried to go easy with gifts, but I got a little carried away.

I ended up filling a bin with toys that have outgrown, and another with some of the new stuff. I need to start rotating toys in and out of play. Three kids alone is enough, forget about the toy mess. Goodwill here I come. All they really needed was the paper. Then I got the bright idea to take the used wrapping paper and re-wrap the toys they already have so they could keep opening presents. Not sure if that was clever or if it will perpetuate the desire for ‘more’, but they had fun. I wonder how many years I can get away with that?

Coco Chanel & Igor Stravinsky by Chris Greenhalgh: A Silicon Valley Moms Group Book Club

Love affairs in Paris, culture, style, genius. Typical mom stuff, right? Join us as Silicon Valley Moms Group bloggers talk about the book Coco Chanel & Igor Stravinsky by Chris Greenhalgh.

• Sophia from Moody Mommy ponders Me? Naked?
• Christina from Hooey Critic explains that in German it would be called 'Ehebruch'
• Sam from Temporarily Me Dot Com thinks about Love. Elsewhere 
• Lisa from Hannemaniacs' revels in her luxurious life
• Melanie from Tales from the Crib discusses faithfulness
• Jessica from It's My Life has a little Coco Chanel flashback
• Heidi from Coast 2 Coast Mom wonders how Coco Chanel would have done a mom uniform
• Leticia from Tech Savvy Mama finds that member-only sale sites feature Coco Chanel and designer duds for less
• Kim from I'm Not the Nanny found herself examining family vs career aka SAHM vs working moms
• Erica from wellthoughtoutspot wonders what Coco would say about her unfashionable side
• Vanessa from Chefdruck Musings Puts Down the Paintbrush to Find the Right Tool for her Creativity
• Stacy from Laptop TV Mom discusses Coco Chanel and Tiger Woods
• Michelle from Wife and Mommy reveals her special talent
• Ana from Finding Bonggamom has a love affair with pearls
• Linsey from Me Too You talks about independence and balance

Silicon Valley Moms Blog is hosting the book club discussion this month. Please leave a comment below and join in the discussion.

Past Silicon Valley Moms Group Book Clubs have included:

• See Mom Run by Beth Feldman
  
• Close Encounters of the Third-Grade Kind by Phillip Done
• This is Where I Leave You by Jonathan Topper
• Do One Nice Thing by Debbie Tenzer
• Birth Day by Mark Sloan, M.D.
• What Happened to the Girl I Married? by Michael Miller
• Testimony by Anita Shreve
  
• Comfort Food by Kate Jacobs
  
• Much to Your Chagrin by Suzanne Guilette
  
• It Started with Pop-Tarts by Lori Hanson
  
• Who By Fire by Diana Spechler
• The White Trash Moms Handbook by Michelle Lamar
• Writing Motherhood by Lisa Garrigues
• The Vaccine Book by Dr. Robert W. Sears
• The Other Mother by Gwendolen Gross

Click here to read all about the Silicon Valley Moms Group Book Club.

This is not a paid for post. The publisher of this book did provide free copies to Silicon Valley Moms Group bloggers to use for this book club.

LOVE isn't just a word

Since I began to blog a couple of years ago there is something I have come to learn and that is it is possible to be in love with someone over a long period of time. That it is possible, to look at someone you've known for quite some time and still get that tingle, that feeling you had when you first met him and thought,, "Ah, yeah. He's a keeper." 

I was married for over ten years and I can honestly say I never felt that way. Why I married this man, well, it's too much to explain here but suffice it to say, chemistry did not play a role. I admit that many times, when I read about these women who truly think their husbands are the best and feel so lucky to have them in their lives, I get a bit jealous. 

However, more than that, it gives me hope. Hope that it's possible to have a partner that you love so deeply, that you respect and most of all, find attractive after years of it being just the two of you. Since I have been blogging, I have made friends from all over the country and from all walks of life and it is because of these women that love, real, true, honest to God, love is possible. It's out there. When it will walk into my life, I don't know but the bottom line is it's possible.