LA Moms Blog

Tell Me Something I Don’t Know

"I'm a non-believer," was the first thing I told the Tarot Card reader. Maybe not the best way to start our mini-session in a back room of the SV Moms party at Blogher.

She had me shuffle the cards and then got to work. "You don't like being told what to do." Well, I think that's obvious. She said I am a hard worker and I always give 110 percent (I'd like to believe this is true). So far, so good.

My husband is also a hard worker, she told me. But there is something going on between us (a 3-year-old boy that sleeps between us every night, maybe?). And I need to be better to him. "Bullshit," I thought. I cook his food, wash his clothes, and birthed his children. How much better to him can I be? Hmmm. He is home watching our kids while I hop from party to party in Chicago. And I did get to Chicago (along with my friend) on his frequent flier miles and hotel points. I tried not to let these thoughts kill my SV Mom cocktail buzz.

The Truth Hurts: My Post BlogHer Marriage Lesson

My bags lay in the trunk.  All evidence of my weekend away neatly packed and stowed. 

After a kiss hello, I asked, "How was it?"

I wanted him to be beaten down. 
I wanted him to sigh with relief at my return. 
I wanted him to drop to his knees and French kiss the ground I walk on.

He did none of those things.

"It was a breeze," he said.

Three adults and two kids in a one bedroom house

Every year is same. My husband stays home and works, while I drive my kids and I the 18 hours to Seattle, to spend the summer with family. Every year I feel the same excitement, as the summer gets closer. And then, the same anxiety, when the days draw near.

I love traveling, so it is natural for me to anticipate my next adventure. Getting out of LA, to spend the summer camping, visiting friends and family, and cruising around the Northwest, is a perfect summer for me. But then I am reminded of the difficulty and drama that arises every year. First there is the difficulty of driving 18 hours, with kids anxious to be there already. Then there is the drama that arises when we are stuck for too long in a one bedroom house with three adults and two kids, one that does not usually contain children. Then the drama that arises while spending 10 days camping with three other families, and the drama that arises when grandma's methods come in conflict with my own.

I need to mentally prepare myself now. The first couple years, I really took every outburst and frustration personally. But now, I have come to understand that it is not about me. I think we all have hopes and expectations of how the time will be spent. But it doesn't always work out like expected. Normal routines are thrown out the window and the natural balance upset. No matter how much our families love us, having two rambunctious kids in the normally quiet house can be overwhelming.

"Shh! Be quiet so I can be a lousy guest!!

"Shhh! I'm trying to read!!", snaps my 9 year-old's friend, who is currently hogging the video game controller.  Did I hear that right??  I focus in on the conversation.  My son begins up his normal chatter, again, after a momentary silence from the shushing of his playmate.  Then the friend says it again, tells my son to be quiet, so he can play the video game in silence, while the other kids sit and watch.  A quick glance to my husband, who has just entered the room, and we agree, without words, that something needs to happen. 

I step in and remind the boy that we talk kindly to friends.  He says nothing and doesn't even bother to look up from the game.  I am reminded of  a similar incident with the same offender.  A couple weeks back, at his house, they were again playing video games, well, he was playing, while my son sat and watched.  Like today.  My son recounts that the boy told him to "stop talking! you're being annoying".  I didn't like the sound of it, but brushed it off as a bad day.  But this was quickly becoming a real issue.

Why have my son over then, if he's a bother?  Why invite him over every Friday?  Why ask, over and over again, to come play at our house, if only to play video games alone, without interacting with the other kids? 

And Now, I'm Dieting for Two

My husband was blessed with a fast metabolism. For years, I've complained that he could eat and eat and eat, and I was the one who ended up gaining weight.

Deep down, I think I did blame him for my weight gain. After all, in my single gal days, I would come home from work and chow down on a 300-calorie Lean Cuisine and call that dinner. And if I dined out, it was usually drinks and sushi... or just drinks.

I also made time to work out three or four times a week. Back then, I only had to think about myself, so it was easy.

It was also kind of lonely.

So I was happy to trade away a little of my freedom for love and companionship. I was ready.

Growing old together...maybe just a LITTLE too soon

Like thousands of other people, my husband and I went out for dinner on New Year's Eve. We arrived at the restaurant, one we go to often, at around 6:15, and had a forty-five minute wait for a table - not too bad for the night in question, but it's very unusual for us. We'd never seen the place so crowded. Then again, we're usually there on weekends between 3 and 4:30 in the afternoon for late lunch/early dinner - and other than the wait staff, we're often the youngest people in the room at that time of day. Since we frequently have just two meals on Saturdays and Sundays, breakfast and what we call "linner," this actually happens at quite a few restaurants around town, and it's actually not bad; there's no crowd, and the service is usually pretty attentive, but not rushed. But even though there's no Early Bird Special, we joke about dining during the "senior hour."

It's still a few years before either of us will qualify to start getting mail from the AARP (and for the record, he will first!), but sometimes I feel like we're already practicing for our so-called golden years.

My marriage needs a lift.

I know I have to change the way things are going in my relationship with my husband. We are going down a road I don’t really like. It’s not that bad, we are not fighting or treating ourselves badly. We are just not spending much quality time together.

When we had our baby, the sleep deprivation was quite something in between us but because it’s all new and exciting that kind of merged us together even more. Now, being parents of a very busy and energetic 2 year old I think it’s even harder than having a new born baby.

The problem is I don’t miss my marriage as much as I thought I would.

California Prop 8: Protecting marriage from WHAT, exactly?

I just celebrated my wedding anniversary - the second anniversary of my second marriage, which is also the second marriage for my husband. I've heard the saying that getting married again, particularly after divorce - which is what ended both of our first marriages - is a triumph of hope over experience. Rarely have I been called an optimist, but so far this second-time-around experience has been just what I've hoped it would be.

Even during the waning days of my first marriage, I believed that eventually I would want to be in a serious long-term relationship again. However, I had serious doubts about whether I'd marry again, because I was quite certain I didn't want to get divorced again - and like it or not, with a 50% failure rate in this country for first marriages and an even higher casualty rate for subsequent ones (so much for hope triumphing over experience), it's a possibility that can't be disregarded. If a couple is strong in their commitment to one another, does "a piece of paper" really matter all that much?